In my previous Sunday post I mentioned that I had some exciting news for you. Oh, the suspense! I jest, I jest, most of my readers (i.e. my grandmother and close friends) already know what’s going to happen and so do you as I have kind of given it way it the title.
Yes! I’m moving to London! This excites me very much, dear reader. Why? I just feel the pressing urge to live in London and this has been the case ever since I visited the city for the first time over 10 years ago. I don’t really have a logical explanation as for why that is, but I am convinced that listening to your gut is a pretty good strategy to reach the road to eternal happiness. So let’s give it a go, shall we?
Apart from all the excitement I’m also shitting myself. Why? Por que? Well, firstly I’m moving into a house I have never seen with my own eyes. Only with my internet eyes. The apartment I talked about in my post on house hunting didn’t work out you see, so the boyfriend had to continue the search all by himself (it was stressful, he said). So after a 5-minute visit by him and a 15-minute phone call with me a decision was made. He moved in 3 days later. Our first place together. Well, ours and 7 housemates’.
Another daunting element to this story is the fact that I have to pack up my life into one suitcase. Again. I’ve moved abroad before (twice) and went travelling for a few months, so you’d think you’d get used to that, but no. I still don’t want to leave a single pair of shoes behind and if I could I would take my favourite pieces of furniture with me, but that is not going to happen.
Those things and the small detail that is the fact that I don’t have a job waiting for me, make me anxious, give me occasional palpitations and have caused the return of the evil mouth ulcer.
I am scared.
But I think it is okay to be scared, I’m making pretty radical changes in my life after all. The fact that this big move is scary to me is in a way strangely reassuring as well. The best decisions I have made in my life so far have always been the ones that caused me the most anxiety. Moving abroad to study in Italy, committing to a long-distance relationship, travelling through South America instead of looking for a steady job. Many nights of insomnia were spent in advance, but looking back on them now I couldn’t be happier that I did it anyway.
Fear is human. Fear is normal, but you shouldn’t let it hold you back. You might make mistakes, you might even fail terribly; the earth will not stop spinning when that happens. I thought I was going to be the next hot fashion designer when I was 18 (embarrassing, but true), I took the entrance exam, I failed. I now know that that isn’t what I want anyway, but I needed to make that mistake to realise that.
What I’m saying is: get over the fear, go get what you want to get from this life, haterz gonna hate and you should not give two shits about that.
What I’m also saying is I really hope this move works out.